


The Five Times Evan Wanted to Kiss Connor and the One Time He Did

by lucy_in_the_sky



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: 5 things 1 thing, Anxiety, Crushes, Crying in the bathroom, Dancing, Fluff, Its pretty much fluff, M/M, Panic Attacks, friends to boyfriends, kinda like Michael, suuuper minor angst, treebros, Á La Mode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-06 23:29:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12221157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucy_in_the_sky/pseuds/lucy_in_the_sky
Summary: A little 5 things 1 thing fic about treebros and how they got together :)





	The Five Times Evan Wanted to Kiss Connor and the One Time He Did

1.

Evan walked into the chilly hallway of his school, wrapping his arms tighter around his slight frame, wishing he'd brought a jacket. Turns out his polo and khakis weren't enough to keep him warm in the middle of October. 

He felt his feet take him to his locker, knowing the path by heart after four years in this place. He mechanically turned his lock, pulling it open with a creak of the old metal. 

He went through the motions of grabbing the binders he'd need for his morning classes, placing them in his unzipped backpack. Today was as normal, as mundane, as any other day. 

But. 

But then it wasn't. 

Because then he looked up from the depths of his same-since-freshman-year backpack to see possibly the most beautiful human to walk this earth. 

None other than his crush, Connor Murphy, was waking right past Evan, stopping at a locker almost directly across the hall from his. 

He'd known Connor since elementary school, small district and all, but he'd never actually talked to him. 

To be fair, Evan never really talked to anyone but he had a reason this time. 

Cause Connor had a reputation. 

Like, a serious one. 

He'd thrown a printer at a teacher in second grade, constantly smelled like cheap pot, missed at least half of the schooldays in a year, and had plenty of other nasty rumors going around. 

But Evan couldn't seem to remember any as he studied the boy across from him. 

He stood staring at the boy, unable to tear his eyes off of his porcelain face, soft and plump lips, sharp jawline, sweeping hair...he seemed perfect in Evan's eyes.

All Evan wanted to do was cross that hallway in three giant steps and be swept up in Connor's arms, kind of like in those cheesy rom-coms his mom watched. 

He could imagine kissing Connor's lips. Grabbing his waist and leaning up for more. 

He'd had a crush on him since the start of junior year, but had neglected any feelings. 

Self loathing, and all. 

But he let his sleep deprived mind have this fantasy just once. 

He continued to stare at Connor, not really seeing, just looking, as he imagined how his hands would feel wrapped around his waist. 

He was too focused on the angel across the hall to notice when Jared stepped up next to him. 

"Evan," he sounded unamused, "your gay is showing," 

Evan was jolted from his trance, immediately blushing and attempting to stutter anything that might contradict Jared's statement. 

"I-but, no, h-here's the thing, I-I, you see, he, no, ah, I, b-but-"

"Jesus, relax," he gestured defensively to the anxious boy. "I was just kidding," 

As soon as he said those words Evan shut his mouth so fast he could taste blood. 

He must have had the world's worst poker face or maybe Jared just knew him better than he let on, but Jared seemed to know exactly what Evan was thinking. 

"Wait, Ev?"

"Y-yeah?" he squeaked. 

"Do you, do you like Connor?" 

His blush was back in full force. 

Especially because Jared never seemed to pick up on any lessons from kindergarten about inside voices. 

"Jared, shut up," he hissed. 

But that was the wrong thing to say because as the words left his mouth, Jared got the most amused look on his smug little face. 

"Wait, wait, hold the phone," 

"Jared please, no, stop, I-I don't, I promise-" 

"You mean to tell me-"

"Jared!"

"-that my sweet, innocent child, Evan, has a crush on Connor Murphy? The Connor Murphy? The pot head? Future school shooter? Current heroine shooter? King of the psychopaths? Human personification of anger management issues?" 

Evan kept shooting glances at the boy in question, making sure he was still too focused on whatever music was playing through his earbuds to notice Jared's ramblings. 

"Jared please don't, not now, please," he was begging at this point. Shamelessly, too. 

Jared just smirked and turned to stare at Connor, watching him walk down the hall, not noticing the two seniors who were eyeing him like hawks. 

"Kinky," Jared said before walking off towards his first period. 

Evan let out a mangled whine and jogged to catch up to Jared, thinking of any way he could erase the damage done that morning. 

 

2.

Evan let the door slam behind him, trying his best to wipe his tears as they streamed down his cheeks. 

Panic attacks were never fun. 

Panic attacks in the only class you didn't share with your only friend were the worst. 

He rushed to the bathroom on the second floor, knowing that he was basically the only one who ever used it. 

As soon as he reached the door, he pulled it open just enough to squeeze in and sit with his back against it, letting his head fall into his arms. 

He was too preoccupied with the voices in his head telling him how much of a failure he was to notice the other boy staring at him from his own seat leaning against the stall door. 

He only registered that he wasn't alone when the other boy shuffled closer to him and rested his hand on Evan's arm. 

His head shot up in surprise, panic tripling at the sight of his crush. 

Connor's eyes looked so sympathetic, so worried, and Evan felt the pity roll off the angsty teen in waves. 

Great. 

Just great.

Exactly what he needed right now. 

His heart rate sped up even more (if that was possible) and he scrambled to stand, to run away from this terrible situation he'd gotten himself into. 

Unfortunately, on his way up, Evan lost his balance and fell, quite literally, into Connor's arms. 

He felt Connor's hand wrap around his waist, steadying him before lifting him to a standing position. 

But once he'd made it to his own two feet, the hands stayed on his waist, providing support to the crying teen. 

At this point Evan had basically given up all hope of saving the situation, opting instead to go die in a hole somewhere secluded so he'll be out of everyone's hair. 

He looked up through his tears to see that the worried expression had only worsened on Connor's face. 

"Are you okay?" Connor scrunched his nose. 

"Shit, sorry, of course you're not okay, look at you, fuck, I'm bad at this, sorry," 

He sounded like Evan with how much he was apologizing. 

Evan just stared at Connor with big eyes and a runny nose, unable to form words or even get his breathing back in control. 

"So, uhm, you should start breathing normally so, I'm, I'm gonna sit you down," he awkwardly maneuvered the two of them into a sitting position. Evan was leaning against Connor's front, basically sitting in his lap. 

"Can you breathe with me?" Connor asked the panicking boy. 

He started taking deep and sure breaths, hoping Evan would catch on. 

Meanwhile, Evan was hyperventilating and attempting to get his lungs to function properly. He leaned even more against the other boy so he could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest. 

That's where they were for nearly ten minutes, long after Evan's breathing normalized. The two boys sat on the bathroom floor, just peacefully taking in the presence of one another. 

Evan found that being there with Connor, physically and figuratively leaning on him, gave him a calm that he'd never felt after a panic attack. 

Also, his brain was pretty much pooped out, which left little room for further anxiety about how he'd just embarrassed himself in front of his crush so that was nice. 

After a slow moving ten minutes, Evan finally turned around to face Connor. He first noticed the red rim around his eyes, probably from just having been smoking or something. 

"Th-thank you for help-helping me," he stuttered to the taller boy. 

Connor looked down in him fondly, but the expression was lost almost as fast as Evan caught it, replaced with a neutral, uninterested look. 

"Yeah, it's what anyone would have done," 

Evan disagreed. 

No one really wanted to help him. 

But he just nodded and moved to sit next to Connor instead of on top of him. 

He sat there a little longer, not really wanting to leave even though third period would start soon and it kinda smelled like stale piss. 

Because people are mean and make fun of him outside but it was safe in there. 

Evan was taken aback at the realization that he felt safe in that tiny one stall bathroom next to his crush. 

He never felt safe in his own house answering the door for pizza guys yet here he was, feeling protected sitting next to a guy he's never actually talked to on a bathroom floor. 

Evan let his head lean back to rest against the wall, slowly turning it to look at the boy in question. 

Connor's eyes were closed and he had a soft look on his face. 

Actually, looking at him now, Evan could see moisture at the corners of his eyes. 

Was he crying? 

Unfortunately for Evan, Connor chose that moment to open said eyes and look at Evan, reading the question that hung in the air above the blonde's head. 

"Yeah, you're not the only one having a less than perfect day," was the vague answer he got. 

Evan furrowed his brow and silently asked for Connor to go on. 

"Just, high schoolers are dicks and some seem hellbent on being dicks specifically to me and I couldn't take much this morning. Let's just leave it at that,"

Connor closed his eyes again, leaning his head back to match Evan's. 

Evan continued to stare at him, shocked at his sudden vulnerability and honesty. He seemed so hard and so above it all. Like none of the stupid rumors or nicknames repeated by his peers affected him at all. 

Evan found that he wanted to reach out and take Connor's hand, act as an anchor for him and help him until he got over the harsh words of his high school bullies. 

He wanted to lean over and place his lips over Connor's, as a way to say 'I care about you'. He wanted to kiss him softly until they both forgot why they took refuge in this smelly public school bathroom. 

But Evan was, well, Evan, so he'd never work up the courage to talk to Connor ever again let alone lean over and kiss him out of the blue. So he let his own eyes fall shut and focused on his breathing as he continued to calm down from his earlier panic attack. 

So much for senior year. . .

 

3.

Evan felt the rough bark of the apple tree under his calloused hands as he reached above his head to grab another, higher branch. 

He looked through the leaves to see Connor several feet below him, keeping up surprisingly well in such tight skinny jeans. 

He guessed those long longs had to be useful somehow. . .

Evan refocused on his own climb, nearing the top of the tree. 

After several more branches, he felt the bright streams of sunlight warm his face. 

He sat near the trunk and waited for the other boy to catch up to him. 

Connor reached up his hand and Evan took it, helping pull Connor up to his perch. 

He heard Connor catch his breath next to him, staring out at the tops of the neighboring trees in the orchard. 

Evan watched Connor watch the sun move higher in the sky. 

He looked so peaceful. 

He never looked peaceful. 

Connor took a deep breath and looked over to Evan, squinting against the sun. 

"Hey, Ev, thanks for taking me here," 

"Y-yeah, of course," 

He smiled nervously. 

The smile was reflected on Connor's face, but Connor's was better because it gave him the cutest dimples and made his eyes all crinkly. 

"There's no where else I'd rather be, ya know?" 

"Yeah, me too," 

Connor kept his gaze on Evan, looking intently into Evan's ice blue eyes. 

Evan returned the gaze, happy to lose himself in Connor's sparkling eyes. 

He could feel himself slowly leaning in, unable to stop as he neared closer to Connor's lips. 

The strange part was that Connor was leaning in, too. 

Evan wanted nothing more than to close the distance between them, finally kissing the boy he'd been head over heels for for so long. 

But he was moving so slow. 

Wait. 

Why was he moving so slow. 

Evan took one last look around him as the view slowly faded, taking Connor's image with it. 

He sat up with a jolt, looking around, but seeing all black. 

He reached bedside him and turned on the lamp on his bedside table. 

It was

It was all just a dream. 

His spirits immediately deflated. 

It was all just a dream. 

But of course it was. Why would Connor go to the orchard with him? That was Evan's place. And why would Connor want to kiss him? Evan? No dice. 

He turned off the lamp and fell back into his pillow. 

Sleep took him slowly, letting dark thoughts stew in his sleepy mind. 

He avoided Connor all the next day. It wasn't that hard, they only shared one class, AP Literature, so his job was pretty easy. 

He was so stupid to think someone would want him like that. 

So stupid. 

 

4.

It started with a group project in AP Lit class. 

Their teacher, Mrs. Nakamura, passed out packets of essays to each student after assigning them partners. They were to grade the essays based on how the college board would, supposed to prepare them for what their own AP essays should look like. 

Evan didn't care. 

He would rather fail the AP exam than have to work with Connor Murphy on a group project. 

But surprisingly, Evan didn't have a panic attack that day. He had managed that. 

He had felt different since the weird dream he'd had. And Connor looked very nervous himself so that helped. 

But after that one group assignment at the beginning of November the two had become sort of...friends? 

He thinks that's what they are. 

In a way...

He went over to Connor's house a lot. 

And sometimes Connor came to his. 

They ate lunch together at school. 

And Evan would get rides home from school from Connor. 

So yeah, friends. 

So that one group project led Evan to the present, sitting on Connor's king sized bed as said boy danced around the bedroom. 

Connor had given Evan a ride home again, the third this week. 

He pulled into the Murphy's winding driveway, getting out before opening Evan's door for him. 

Evan blushed and mumbled a thanks as he followed Connor into the house. 

It wasn't the first time he'd been to the Murphy's but he was just as socially awkward as that afternoon. 

"Sooo, you want anything? Water? Coke? Something to eat?" 

"Uhm, no, I'm fine."

"You do you, cockatoo," 

He headed for the stairs, Evan trailing behind him like a baby duckling. 

Connor stepped into his room, closing the door behind Evan. 

"My mom doesn't come home until four and Zoe's at band till I actually don't know when but she's not here," 

"Oh, uhm, ok," 

"Yeah, so, whatever," 

He threw his book bag on the ground by his bed, motioning for Evan to do the same. 

Connor hopped into his bed and wiggled until his back rested against the headboard. 

"What do you wanna do?" 

Evan's eyes widened and he stuttered something that definitely didn't count as a response. 

"I, uh, we, well, we could, uhm, if you w-want, or, uh," 

"Wanna just do some homework? You do that shit, right?" 

"Uh, yeah, yes," 

"Cool," 

Evan just stood there for a few seconds before taking off the straps of his backpack and opening it in one move. He pulled out his calc binder and a pencil all in less than two seconds. 

Connor just looked at him with a strange blend of fondness and confusion painting his face. 

Evan blushed and set down his backpack, sitting crisscross on the floor next to it. 

Connor just sat on his bed and watched as Evan pulled out a calculus worksheet and started working on the assigned problems. 

He pulled his earbuds out of his jacket pocket and put them in his ears, playing his Spotify 'chill playlist' cause he's not really the guy who, like, does homework. He closed his eyes and proceeded to get lost in the music. 

The music must have been louder than Connor expected because the next time he opened his eyes, Evan was staring at him, pencil poised to write but eyes focused on Connor's face, not the equations on his homework. 

He quickly paused the music and pulled out his earbuds. 

"Oh, sorry, I didn't realize how loud that was..." 

"No! No, n-no it's fine, I just didn't peg you for a Beyoncé kind of guy..." 

Connor blushed and looked down at his phone realizing that, yes, the song currently playing was Beyoncé's "Halo". 

He shrugged and responded, "yeah, man, she's a crazy good singer and I really love this song, it chill," 

Evan nodded and returned his focus to his worksheet. 

Connor just stared at the boy, kinda embarrassed that he showed Evan part of the side of him that wasn't a cold hearted emo mess of a teen.

Evan worked on calc for a couple more minutes, trying to focus on derivatives instead of Connor's eyes baring into his frame. 

But in the end Connor won. 

Because he was, well, Connor. 

"Play something for me?" 

Connor was startled out of his trance by Evan's words, surprised at how blunt the perpetually anxious boy was. 

"Uh, sure," he unlocked his phone. "What do you want to listen to?" 

Evan stared at him with a blank face. He shrugged minutely, regretting speaking before he thought about what he was gonna say. 

"I'll just play my driving playlist," 

"Y-you have a driving playlist?" questioned the anxious boy. 

"Yeah for when Zoe's on my dick and my parents are too and I just wanna...drive," 

Evan nodded his head with a thoughtful look on his face. 

"Yeah that makes sense," 

Connor smiled at the other boy's facial expression and played his playlist on shuffle. 

Music filled his scarcely decorated room and Connor eased back into his bed, letting the voice of Brendon Urie wash over him. 

Evan gave up attempting his math homework and instead listened to Connor's music. 

Connor smiled down at him and hopped off his bed, holding it his hands to the blonde. 

"Dance with me?" 

He smirked and raised an eyebrow. 

Evan blushed and put his hands in Connor's, letting himself be pulled up to standing. Connor started moving to the rhythm, still holding Evan's (somewhat sweaty) hands. 

Evan laughed and felt his anxiety start to melt away, getting more and more comfortable being there with Connor as the upbeat song progressed. 

Seeing Evan get a little more into it, Connor let go and started lip syncing with dramatic hand motions and lots of hip moves. 

He and Evan picked up random objects lying on Connor's desk and used them as microphones, singing and laughing and genuinely having a good time. 

After a couple songs, Evan took a break from the dancing, catching his breath on Connor's bed. 

He looked out at the boy, still using a half empty plastic water bottle as his mic. Evan laughed at the sight of Connor jumping up on his desk chair, striking a pose, and jumping back down, all while singing and circling his hips in time. 

He had never really experienced Connor on such a good day. 

Evan understood that everyone had their days, the ones where they felt good and happy and whole. And then there were the ones where they were not too good. Connor's bad days were when he was angry at the world, everything getting on his nerves, getting really short tempered. But also there were days when he wouldn't talk to anyone. Would just hold his head down if he even came to class. Evan hated those days the most. 

But today, today Connor looked happy. He'd let go of something inside of him that held him back and had allowed Evan to see this new side of him that was fun and a little goofy. 

Evan couldn't stop smiling. 

He wanted to hop off the bed and dance with Connor, holding onto his hips and they both moved to the music. He wanted to kiss up and down Connor's exposed neck, liking the way it made Connor feel good. Wanted to kiss his lips, stopping him from singing while Evan dipped his tongue into Connor's mouth. 

He thought these not so clean thoughts while continuing to stare at the boy as he wound down and gradually stopped his dancing. 

"Sorry, I got a little carried away," he said with a short laugh. 

"No! It's totally fine, it was fun," he blushed. 

Connor smiled and joined Evan on his bed, breathing heavily. 

Evan tried to forget how much he wanted to kiss him. 

 

5.

They were at A La Mode, Connor wanting to escape his shitty family for just one evening. He'd picked Evan up close to ten, the other boy already in flannel pj pants when he answered the door. 

Evan had blushed his signature red and changed into a pair of jeans, getting in Connor's car with no hesitation. 

They were now sitting at a booth in the back of the little shop, having just finished their dessert, chatting about anything that came to mind. That's how their friendship was now, they could just sit and talk. For hours. 

And they did. 

They only got out of the cheap upholstery when Evan noticed the time, stuttering to Connor about needing to get home soon. 

They stepped out of the small shop, feeling the cool night air wash over them. 

There was something magical about nighttime, Evan believed. The way the stress of the day seemed to disappear, the stars acting as inspiration for change and calm. Evan found magic in the silence of the world and the black of the sky above him. 

He didn't really want to go back home. Evan knew his mom would be back soon, the time almost at midnight and Heidi's shift ending in a few short minutes. But Connor looked to ethereal in the light of the moon. 

The drive home was peacefully silent, the only sound being the tires on the pavement and the wind from Connor's rolled down window. 

Connor pulled up in front of Evan's house, parking the car along the curb. Neither boy moved. Evan knew that eventually he'd have to get out and lie to his mother about staying home all night but for right now, he just wanted to sit in the content quiet next to the boy of his dreams. 

He looked over and saw Connor was looking at him with an awestruck expression and Evan felt his heart flutter. Why couldn't he just lean over the center console and kiss this boy? (Well, because anxiety, duh). Evan hadn't wanted anything as much as he wanted Connor's hand in his right this second. But he simply took a deep breath and unbuckled his seatbelt, thanking Connor for the ice cream before pushing open the door, leaving the car before he did something rash. 

Little did he know, Connor watched him all the way up his drive way, wishing for the same things that Evan had. 

 

+

They were back on Connor's queen sized bed, this time with no homework to do (no homework for Evan to do) and the weekend right in front of them. 

Connor had asked Evan about his classes that day, Evan going off on a rant about AP Environmental Science and the project they just got. 

Connor watched with a fond look, barely keeping up with Evan's rushed words, but enjoying how passionate Evan got about the earth. 

Evan, oblivious to the heated stare from the boy sitting across from him, continued his story about pollution and the research paper he was writing for the AP class. He got really into what he was saying, a determined look on his face, hands gesticulating wildly, voice rising and falling as he listed ways to help the earth. 

He was so focused on the words flowing from his lips that he failed to notice Connor. That's a first. 

Connor, in a moment of urgency and rash decision making, surged across the foot or two separating the boys and pressed his slightly chapped lips to Evan's, silencing he teen mid sentence. 

Evan's eyes shot open, Connor catching him completely off guard. He tried to pull away, scared that this was all some joke Connor was playing on him. Like he knew how smitten Evan was and wanted to torture the boy some more. 

Connor felt Evan's attempt to break the kiss and immediately pulled back. He got this kicked puppy look on his face before it changed to something filled with terror. 

"Holy fuck, I'm so so sorry, Ev, shit I shouldn't have tried to do that, fuck, you probably don't like me like that, who am I kidding, of course you don't like me like that, shit I'm sorry-" 

He rambled as he slowly back off he bed and made his way toward his door, completely embarrassed about the kiss. 

Evan's brain was turning a mile a minute and the boy was kinda surprised that smoke wasn't coming out of his ears. 

'He likes me? Likes me likes me?' 

Evan took in Connor's defensive stance, the way he still was backing up to the door, ready to leave the room. 

But Evan liked the kiss. Hell, he loved it! He'd been waiting to kiss that damn boy since the first day of junior year! 

So Evan did the one thing that people like Evan don't do. 

"Get your emo ass back over here Connor Murphy and kiss the life out of me or so help me God," 

Evan stood as he spoke those words, staring at Connor like he was the stupidest yet most amazing human on the planet. 

Connor stopped moving. 

He looked at Evan for a split second before walking back over to the other boy, not really believing what was happening. 

But Evan was done with being timid. He'd been crushing on this boy for long enough and it was time he just said 'fuck timidity'! 

He leaned forward, getting on the balls of his feet to properly kiss all the hesitation out of Connor. 

Connor's hands found their way to Evan's chest, curling in his blue striped polo as Evan moved his own to pull on Connor's chestnut hair. 

They stayed there for a while, taking quick breaths in between heated kisses. Connor kissed Evan's neck. Evan tugged Connor's hair. Evan sucked on Connor's lip. It was a a fantastic blur of pleasure to each boy, mind flying between which sense to pay attention to. 

When the kiss finally broke for real, Evan pulled back and sighed. He looked fondly into Connor's piercing eyes as he softly whispered, 

"I've been waiting so long to do that," 

Connor smiled, giving Evan an up close view of the dimples on his cheeks. 

"I think," Connor started with a shaky breath. 

"I think I love you," 

It sounded like a question but Evan read past the shyness in Connor's confession. 

"I think love you, too," he said in a calm and sure voice. 

They smiled. 

Connor rested his face against Evan's, breathing in his calm. 

They were gonna be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy fall, y'all!!! I hope you liked this little fic :)


End file.
